The Big 1k!

I'm actually at 1100 now, but who's counting.  Not me, now that I've reached 1000 miles.  The only depressing part is that I have no mile stone (see what I did there?) again until, like, 5000 or something.  Oh sure, you might say, "oh Eric, 2000 is great!"  Yeah, 2000 is great if you're a little girl.  I'm an adult, and in adult world, we go by the 1000, 5000, probably 10000 scale.

Also, here's some math for you (and me).  The Chevy Lumina, HD DVD ready and the best car on earth, gets about 20 mpg.  Let's say for argument sake, that I've traveled about 800 miles on my bike to places I have to go (the other 200 miles were pure recreation).  Again, in order to make life easy, we're going to estimate the cost of gas at $3 per gallon.  Okay, are you ready for some math?

For every $3 I spend in my car, I get to go 20 miles.  So to go the full 800 miles I went on my bike, I would have had to spend $3, 40 times (40 times 20 equals 800).  Ultimately, my bike riding has saved me $120, or between $30 to $40 per month.

While that doesn't sound like much, it does make a difference over time.  Moreover, it's a great feeling to go to the gas station and really have no idea when the last time you filled up was.

Everyone, keep checking Two Wheel Observer.  Even though I've slowed down my posts due to podcasts and law review articles, I still plan on updating when I get a chance.

On Campus Interview 2: Because I haven't written anything in a while...

http://oncampusinterview.podomatic.com/entry/2011-10-09T16_14_22-07_00

On Campus Interview Podcast: We're totally a thing now

http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/on-campus-interview/id469852904

Check it out.  It's on iTunes.

I'm Comfortable with Taxing the Rich

Recently, we've been studying situations where one can exclude income from their gross income in tax (class).  In many cases, this requires an analysis of the facts and circumstances surrounding the income to come to a conclusion.  I've been finding that most of these analyses don't end in a firm "this should be excluded," but rather, an "I'm comfortable excluding this."  Akin to this analysis, I'm comfortable taxing the rich.

When discussing tax policy, there seem to be a couple camps.  There's the progressives, seeking a more progressive bracket system, with high-income earners paying more and low-income earners paying less.  This has ultimately been our system since its inception and I don't see this changing.  Of course, there is also the argument that we should have a flat tax, as apparently it would be more simple.  However, I don't see a world where we pass a flat tax and then just simply apply it to everyone without any exceptions.  That's silly for a lot of reasons.

Yet, at the heart of this argument is that the rich pay way more taxes in terms of total amount than the rest of us.  As of 2007, the top 1% of taxpayers (Federal Income Tax that is) paid about 40% of all income tax.  In contrast, the bottom 50% paid about 3% of all income tax.  Is this unfair?  Sure.  I can't argue with that.  Generally, numbers don't lie.  Moreover, they sure don't lie with margins like that.  However, sometimes life's not fair.

I feel as if one very important consideration is left out of this discussion.  Sure, high earners pay more than the low earners, but I want to know who's got more money.  Because really, I may feel that disproportionate taxes are unfair, but if we're comparing a group with a disproportionate amount of the wealth with a group with what essentially amounts to no wealth... my heart strings are not exactly pulled by our high earners.  And as a matter of fact, this is exactly the case.

As it turns out, the top 1% have around 35% of the nations wealth (measured in net worth).  The next 19% of highest earners control another 50% of the wealth.  Ultimately leaving the other 80% of people in the US with a paltry 15% of the wealth.  Moreover, from 2001 to 2007, the top 1% of earners saw their average income rise by about 60%, which ends up being around $500,000.  As for bottom 90% of earners, their income only increased by about 4%, or about $1,200.

So, while I understand the argument for a fair (meaning equal) tax divided among us, I don't believe this yields the best outcome for our country.  I think these numbers tell a story of a large group of Americans that already have extremely reduced buying power.  I think that the bottom 80% (which sounds so ridiculous when I write it) need some kind of subsidization in their lives.  Moreover, if they don't need it, I bet they would at least like it.  And, in the worst case scenario, this group surely doesn't deserve to have their taxes raised.

With that being said, I'm not entirely sure if the top 10% would even notice a difference.  Do they spend all their money?  Obviously not, given that it is concentrated.  It's clearly not moving back out into the economy in any significant amount.  I doubt they really need to penny pinch.  Would more taxes really cause a pain for this group?  Or is this argument about fairness merely some fight for an abstract principle with no real world consequence.  I'm a real-world guy, so this is important to me.

So, regardless of the inherent unfairness of taxing the rich at a higher rate, there is a social utility in this type of scheme given the economic arrangement of our country at the moment.  Also, see this.

Section 108(e)(4)... what is it good for?

In my free time, of course.

I have tax on the brain.

Netflix and Qwikster: Wicked Smart

On the left, Netflix's Qwikster ad.  On the right, Twitter's user, Qwikster.

I had a minor freak out today.  After 5 miles on my bike, facing the wind and woes of the road, I am rewarded not with a bagel, but an announcement from one of my favorite companies, Netflix. 

Computer open.  Dinosaur comics read.  Technology news browsing commences.  Surprise Eric!  Netflix is splitting its business in two!  Now we are Netflix and… Qwikster!  Netflikster!

Oh no you didn’t!  First of all, you did not just rip your company in half.  Sure you had to cut your subscriber forecast by a million (24 million instead of 25 million).  And I’m sorry about the Starz deal.  You see, my problem is this smelled like desperation.  A last ditch effort move.  Netflix (and Qwikster now) is hardly in this position, but how else should I feel?  AND, oh no you didn’t call it Qwikster.  Qwikster?  Like a very fast hipster?  I know you’re trying to convince me that the DVDs get to me quickly, but I wasn’t worried about that to begin with.

Alright, now it’s been like 10 hours.  I’ve reflected, read some articles, and come up with my own impression.

 

I love this.

Netflix is doubling down on the idea that physical media has a finite place in society (actually, DVDs literally have a finite life…).  And you know what, they’re right.  I ask myself, “when’s the last time I bought a DVD?”  I’m not sure, but I can promise you it was certainly something not available on Netflix Instant Watch.  In fact, I’ve moved the other direction.  I’ve been jettisoning physical media like some kind of jettisonable plague (maybe via a cough).  I’m ready to get rid of the junk cluttering the house and move to a digital world.  So, I commend you, Netflix.  Put your DVD division in the garage and if it gets too cold for it to survive the winter, it’s got to die.  That was a metaphor. 

On a side note, other people are really mad about this, evidenced by a lot of nagging posts in a number of locations on the internet.  I say, chill out.  My prediction is that Netflix will have some great content deals for their streaming service that they’ll announce soon.  Come on Full House.

Two Wheel Cooking: Mac and Cheese

First and foremost, I must give credit where credit is due.  This recipe was given to me from Emily Cohen, my former Americorps cohort.  Emily and I spent a year working with students in a North Minneapolis Elementary School as well as discussing cooking and food issues over our breaks.  With this in mind, again, I emphasize that this recipe is from her and she probably had a larger influence on my cooking than anyone else.  That being said, this recipe is not only easy, but absolutely delicious.  Here's a link to her original post:

Ingredients


Pasta:  1 lb box of whatever noodles you want
Butter:  3 tablespoons
All-purpose flour: 3 tablespoons
Milk: 2 1/2 cups of 1% or 2% (or a little more)
Cheddar Cheese: 1 lb (grated)
Worcestershire Sauce: a dash!
Parmesan Cheese: a dash!
Bread Crumbs: 2 slices worth (not too important what kind... I used an English muffin because I had no bread)

Wine is like that obnoxious friend who always gets in your pictures.

Procedure

Quick Overview:

You're going to have two projects going simultaneously.  First, you'll be making your white sauce or "roux." This requires far more attention than your other project, which is simply boiling the pasta.  It's not difficult to do, but just be aware that you'll be juggling a couple pans at once.  Also, you may want to grease a 9"x 13" pan, but it's not necessary.

1.  The Roux

Start by melting the butter in your pan.  I would do this at medium heat since most of your meal will take place at that heat.  However, if you're impatient, be rebel and turn it up.

After it's melted, add the flour.  Once you put the flour in, you'll have to whisk/stir it quite fast to keep it from burning.  Do this for a couple minutes until your mixture looks golden (if it turns brown, that means your pan was dirty... this isn't the end of the world, just proceed).  Here's a pic:

Wooden Spoon= Amazing

Next, you'll be adding the milk.  I highly recommend measuring all the milk ahead of time, as you'll be pouring and stirring at the same time.  Here's the deal with this step.  Milk burns easily, so you'll want to watch it very closely.  Keep stirring and if you notice any sticking or burning, turn the burner down.  Remember, you can always increase the heat again, but once your milk is burned, you're out of luck.  Stir for about 10 to 15 minutes.  It should start to boil after a while and thicken up a little.  PRO TIP: Start boiling your noodles now.  My noodles took 11 minutes to cook and the roux and the noodles finished together.  More pics!

After adding the milk and stirring for a while.

Wow, you're so lucky!  The majority of your work is done.  Now you add about half of your cheese (you're saving some to sprinkle on the top later). Turn the heat off, add the cheese, and stir!

Thinking of captions is hard.

All mixed up.

2.  Boiling Noodles...

I'm just going to assume you know how to do this.  If you don't and you're in trouble, I'm sure About.com has some great tutorials on this.

3.  And Now Mix!

Pour your cooked noodles into your baking pan.

Honestly... so boring.

Pour your cheese sauce in and mix it up.

And so on...

Now sprinkle your cheese everywhere.  That's not sexual either.

Oh yeah baby.

This is when I added my breadcrumbs.  Toast some bread and smash it.  I've tried using store-bought bread crumbs in the past with terrible results.  Regular bread works great.

3.  And bake!  

15 to 30 minutes at 375 degrees.  I think I did mine at 350.  It's all good.

4.  The Aftermath

And wallah:

The brown things are English muffin...

Also, an Emily tip, the unbaked casserole will stay good in the fridge for a couple of days.  So if you so desire, you can prep a few days ahead of time and eat it later.

Wrap Up:

Ingredients:

Pasta:  1 lb box of whatever you want
Butter:  3 tablespoons
All-purpose flour: 3 tablespoons
Milk: 2 1/2 cups of 1% or 2% (or a little more)
Cheddar Cheese: 1 lb (grated)
Worcestershire Sauce: a dash!
Parmesan Cheese: a dash!
Bread Crumbs: 2 slices worth (not too important what kind... I used an english muffin because I had no bread)

Procedure:

1.  Make your roux (melt butter, add flour, add milk and mix, add cheese)

2.  Boil noodles

3.  Mix!

4.  Bake!

Enjoy!

A Quick Update

Think about it every laundry day.

First, I have had a total of 666 page views at this very moment.  That's horrible.

Second, I've hit 700 miles on my bike.  I've been waiting to get to 1000 to write about my experience buying and using it.  I was going to do 100, but when I reached that in less than a week, I thought it may be a bit premature.

Finally, I received a Dinosaur Comics white board and I have been doing comics.  I've been uploading them with my phone to Picasa and I'll be adding the web album to Two Wheel Observer soon.  Rock and roll.

Disciplining Juveniles in Schools and Courts: We're Doing it Wrong

I feel that sometimes, we'd really like to treat children like little adults.  We'd like to treat them as if they are acting on their own free will and that when you make bad choices, you face bad results.  This is the premise of our criminal justice system and it now and again slips into our notion of juveniles as well.  And since that's the case, we're doing it wrong (Note: "we" does not include everyone).

As our friend T-Rex explains, children are not adults.  Let's look at this a bit.

I recently read a judge's opinion on the duty of the state towards children.  Apparently, the state must balance the need for deterrence and juvenile responsibility against treatment.  This entire discussion is couched in a tension between what causes a child to act out.  Natural evil or environment?

Today, MPR had an interesting discussion about discipline in schools, using Texas' record which found that 60% of students were given punishments ranging from expulsion to in-school suspension.  The guest on MPR said that this is not an isolated incident, but quite telling about all of America.  Here's a link.

With that being said, it seems like we have a dilemma not only in our schools as MPR discussed, but a problem that bleeds into our justice system.  Children aren't adults.  Obviously, children differ from adults in experience and knowledge.  I think we can all infer that from our own experience as a child.  However, a child's mind is also biologically different (unfortunately I don't have the cite for this because I left the book at school).  They're ability to reason, withstand social pressure, and understand long-term consequences is at best, impaired compared to an adult.

So the question is then, what is the value of punishing behavior that may not be the result of a bad moral character?  In theory, punishment isn't deterring anything as the child was not really making a judgment on values anyway.  Likely, they made a judgment devoid of judgment itself.

Perhaps then, the question is really, what are the downsides of punishing children?  In the school context, an easy answer is that they're missing class.  Which may not be a big deal if you're a white, upper-class, female (statistically, the demographic with the highest degree of academic success).  However, if you're a low-income, black, male (polar opposite of the former), those minutes, hours, or days out of class may be a really big deal.  Add that with some other problems like the notion that punishment doesn't necessarily address what makes a child act out or make bad decisions.  Moreover, if they're acting out for another reason, punishment doesn't have the effect of "teaching a lesson," but rather causes confusion and resentment upon its recipient.

I've written this before, but I think we as a society feel good about punishment.  As if some kind of justice has been achieved.  That may be correct, but many times it doesn't help us avoid more crime or even prevent the guilty party itself from reoffending.  It's kind of like fast food.  It tastes good, but it has absolutely no long term value for you.  In fact, it's bad.  It's bad for you in the moment and in the future. So yeah.  Fast food and punishment for kids.  We're doing it wrong.

Those Things You do at Depressing Times: My Drunk Kitchen

Props to whoever did this crude, but content accurate pic.  http://hartoandco.com/logo-submissions.html.  

I think we've all been there.  For some reason, something, somewhere, is messing you up.  I'm not sure if that thing is making you frustrated or if it is making you so depressed you're nearly sobbing.  Really, for the purposes of this post, it doesn't matter.  I give to you, My Drunk Kitchen.

Hannah Hart (see http://hartoandco.com) is the creator, writer, editor, and all around mastermind behind the show.  While I would say it is still in its infancy at 9 episodes, this is possibly one of the best, most creative video series to be had on the internet.  

Brought to my attention by Time Magazine, I spent a late night in bed watching every episode in succession and laughing. my face off.  Not only is the premise a good start for entertainment, the resulting scenarios are genuinely funny and charming.

There's something appealing to me about a person who creates something as inventive as My Drunk Kitchen.  Especially considering that every step of the production process is handled by Ms. Hart alone.  It's creative and, for the most part, the quality is more than acceptable given the circumstances.

I highly recommend at least watching a few episodes.  They're not long (about 6 minutes each).  So the next time you're stressing out about an exam, money, or a law review article that needs to be written in two weeks, turn on My Drunk Kitchen.

So Let's Say You're a Self-Identified Nerd...

This is nerdy and I will be wearing it on a sweatshirt soon.

Here's the story.   I was at the state fair last weekend, got hit on by a very nice homosexual man, and attended the Weezer concert where I proceeded to have a great time.  In typical Eric Dietz fashion, I have gone on to listen to a lot of Weezer.  Particularly, the song "In the Garage."  Not to ruin a perfectly good song, but it's about a dude who likes nerdy stuff and the garage is a safe place for him because it's his space and nobody judges him there.  Pretty simple.

This song, in conjunction with my last post about the judgmental Gizmodo blogger has led me to this: should we have to be ashamed of our hobbies?  In my case, the more pointed inquiry is whether I should be ashamed of being a self-identified nerd.

Let's start with my own personal belief.  The answer, of course, is no.  I was ashamed of my "nerdy" lifestyle for quite some time.  No doubt, I spent more time playing Super Mario World than I did riding my bike around the neighborhood.  Some of my best memories involve Ocarina of Time.  And, I owned many, many Magic cards.

For the most part, I haven't really changed.  I still have magic cards.  I spend an exorbitant amount of time watching or playing Starcraft 2.  Finally, I check a comic called "dinosaur comics," everyday, which isn't necessarily nerdy, but just read it and your life will make sense.

So to reiterate, I have no problem with being a nerd.

However, society still has a strong say in this type of thing, right?  While I may not care that I love all the above mentioned items and activities, a lot of people make judgments about them.

I find this in my own life in a number of ways.  Sometimes it comes out as a reluctance to talk about video games at dinner.  Other times it manifests as an outright refusal to play Settlers of Catan at a bar.  I have no concrete evidence that social pressure plays into these situations, but for this post's sake, let's say it does.

Part of my issue with this is that I feel like we've created a hierarchy for hobbies with what my guess is sports at the top and with anime at the bottom (an observation from my own life experience).  My big problem with this is: who the fuck are you to judge the value of one hobby versus another?  In my hierarchy, somehow Transformers 3 slipped above anime, along with the OC, Jersey Shore, and Montel.  Now, the point isn't to insult those things.  And I'll be honest, even I am guilty of making these judgments.  We all are.  I'm just saying that it is unfair to do that.  We should all be able to enjoy our hobbies as we see fit without some kind of social judgment taking place.

So, my request is that when you think about judging a thing that someone else likes, maybe stop and think about the crap you like and how it feels to have some jerk criticize you for it.  It may not be "run to your room crying" hurtful, but it can chip away at you and cause you to write an elongated blog post about it a decade later.

With that in mind, I will still judge the Transformers 3 lover, but I will also understand that we are all free to have hobbies and not judge your character on that basis.  But really, Michael Bay?  Come on.

Gizmodo, Magic, and the Bitter Taste of the Internet

http://gizmodo.com/5833787/my-brief-okcupid-affair-with-a-world-champion-magic-the-gathering-player

Yesterday evening, I was doing my typical internet scavenger hunt.  This usually takes place after homework, but before dinner.  The perfect transition that should realistically take 10 minutes, but typically takes an hour.  I came across the above mentioned link.  If you're too lazy to check it out (which you should), here's a brief synopsis.

A female Gizmodo writer posted a short article about her experience on an OK Cupid date.  To her surprise, her date ended up being a world-champion Magic: The Gathering player.  Upon this realization, she subsequently stopped seeing him and then proceeded to write a scathing article.  Particularly, she was angry that this MTG information was not included in his profile.  The article hits its high point with this passage:

Mothers, warn your daughters! This could happen to you. You'll think you've found a normal bearded guy with a job, only to end up sharing goat cheese with a guy who takes you to a one-man show based on Jeffrey Dahmer's life story.

My initial feelings about this were muted at best, slightly disgusted at worst.  My impression was confusion as to why a person would go on a date, find out something they didn't like about the person, and then complain about it afterward.  I mean, that is the essence of dating after all.  No reason to be upset about not liking a person.  Stop dating the person and move on.  Moreover, I hardly consider it appropriate for a site such as Gizmodo to be the forum for bad date stories.  More so when the author identifies the name of her date and proceeds to insult him.

I walked away, made my depressing dinner of bread and oil, and moved on.  But the issue came back.

I have a Twitter app on my phone where I follow a number of technology journalists, and this story was being mentioned.  I was a bit surprised by this, as who cares about a single article by a journalist.  Yet, the Tweets were a stream of "This is why Gizmodo sucks" and so on.

Then, I came across this:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jpmoore/the-10-best-reactions-to-gizmodos-terrible-ok

Here's a little snippet of something written about the Gizmodo blogger:
"[She] Reminded us that Women can be Predators Online Too"

In what likely is not the end of this saga, the hailstorm of the internet has come down on the Gizmodo author, which makes me wonder if the criticizer is receiving worse than she gave out.

In a way, something feels good about the wrongdoer receiving a taste of her own medicine, but I honestly don't like to subscribe to that approach.  The internet is an amazing tool that I respect and love.  It's not only brought the accessibility of information to an unprecedented level, but more importantly has made the communication of ideas extremely easy.  If I have an idea, I can send that to the world with very few barriers.  Two Wheel Observer is living proof of that.

However, I find it disappointing when people decide to use this awesome communicative power to harass and abuse.  That's not what I want from the internet.  Unfortunately, it seems that expecting otherwise is naive, even from professionals.

Do you understand?
- Yes
- Not at all

That's 1 for you, 19 for me

Cause I'm the tax man.  Yeah, I'm the tax man.

This drawing is the culmination of me going to a coffee shop and really wanting to do something more fun than tax.  It turns out that literally anything is more fun.  So, I drew this little comic for the cover of my tax binder and scanned it into my computer.  The saddest part is that scanning it took far longer than thinking of the joke and actually drawing all of this.

Two Wheel Cooking: Wine

Wine is the best meal for any person.  Not only is it useful for the romantic, but also the sleaze who is just looking to get laid by getting a girl drunk.  Wine is really what brings us all together.

Ingredients


-  Wine: 1 or more bottle(s)
-  Opener:  A good one

Procedure:


1.  Open the Wine

Put your opener in the soft corky thing and pull it out.  If you don't have an opener, you can use a knife or just smash it open, provided you don't cut yourself.

I know.  I'm rich, so I have an opener.

While opening, I nearly lost my monocle, I did!

I sleep on a pile of $100 bills, as you can tell by my opener.

In the mega alternative, just buy a twist off.  In fact, ignore the above paragraph and all the jazz about needing an opener.  Twist for FTW!

2.  Drink Wine

I'm not too concerned about how this gets accomplished.  I put mine in a small glass.  But some wine is too good for a glass, and the only choice you have it to drink straight from the bottle.

Why is there cleaning solution in the background?

Really, I just hope you listen to Crazy Train by Ozzy during this time.

Wrap Up:

Ingredients

-  Wine: 1 or more bottle(s)

-  Opener:  A good one

Procedure

 1.  Open wine
2.  Drink wine

Two Wheel Cooking: Summer Jam-balaya

Well,  Law school starts tomorrow, to some's dismay and to other's joy.  And yeah, I'm the joyous one.  So... what better way to kick this off than cooking and listening to some of my summer jamz.  With a z.

I want to state that this recipe is one of the most delicious meals I've ever had.  Not only is the recipe simple, but feeds you for a few days.  You too can eat like a champ.  Just follow my simple steps and summer jamz.  With a z.

We begin with "Time to Pretend" by MGMT.  Here's what you need to cook:

Ingredients:


Onion:  2 Red
Garlic:  4-6 Cloves
Tomatoes:  2
Green Bell Pepper: 1
Serrano Pepper: 1
Green Onion: 4 (just buy a bundle)
Creole Seasoning/ Cajun Seasoning: 1 Tablespoon (Tbsp)
Oregano: 1/2 Teaspoon (Tsp)
Cayenne/ Red Pepper: 1/2 Tsp
Tomato Paste: 2 Tbsp
Canned, Diced Tomatoes: 1 - 12oz to 16oz can
Chicken/Vegetable Broth: About 30 oz (give or take a few oz)
Butter:  1/2 Cup or 1 Stick
Rice:  3 Cups
Meat:  I did 1/2 pound shrimp and a pound of veggie sausage.  You can do shrimp, sausage, ham, or chicken.  It will all work!

Now we're hitting "Surf Wax America" by Weezer.

Honestly, wine is not one of the ingredients.  But to be even more honest, wine is the most important ingredient of all.

Procedure:


Let's hear it for "Georgia" by Yuck.

1.  Chop Some Veggies Man...

This meal is 90% prep, 10% actually cooking.  The recipe calls for the onion, garlic, green onion, tomatoes, bell pepper, and serrano pepper to be chopped, thrown in a bowl, and eventually cooked together.  As usual, there's no trick to chopping.  Just make them a size that you feel comfortable with.  Here's what I did while listening to "Learning the Ropes" by Ludique.

Red Onion!

The wine glass helped.

I tried laying the knife in the middle of the veggies as a change of pace.  C-.

Green Onion.

Chopped Green Onion!

Don't forget to peel it!

Someday I will be married in a church of garlic.

Serrano pepper.  I put in the seeds and all.

Just shove it all in the bowl.

2.  Other Prep

Okay.  So that should have taken you a pretty long time.  I hope you listened to more than just the song I apparently listened to.  Perhaps the "Civilization IV Medley" by Video Games Live.  The first song from a video game to ever get a Grammy nomination.

Next, You need to cut up your tomatoes have them on deck with your canned tomatoes.  It also doesn't hurt to open your tomato paste either.  I mixed them together in a single bowl, but it's no big deal if you keep them separate.  Check it:

Chopped tomatoes, plus the canned stuff.

You'll also need to prepare your meat at this stage (and hopefully your life with the cutting board will be over at this point).  The thing you'll have to decide is if you want to precook your meat.  If it's frozen, then do it.  If not, it's up to you.  I didn't precook my shrimp or veggie sausage.  As a heads up, you cook this meal in a pot for about an hour.  So, unless you're really paranoid, you'll probably be fine.  Now listen to "I Hope I Didn't Just Give Away the Ending" by the New Radicals.

Finally, while this isn't mandated, I recommend getting your spices ready.  Just get out your measuring spoons and have them on deck.

PS.  I despise measuring...

3.  Finally, We Cook

We save the best songs for the best part.  Please turn on "Do You Realize" by the Flaming Lips.

Begin my melting your butter in a pot.  Hopefully, you have a big pot because this recipe makes a lot of food.  Once the butter is melted, add all your veggies with the exception of the tomatoes/ tomato paste.  Then add your spices.  Mix and let that cook for about 15 minutes.  At this stage, you want sizzle, but not burn.  At what level your stove does that, your guess is as good as mine.  Test!  Here's what it should look like:

Yep.  That's vegetably.

Next, you'll be adding... well... basically everything else.  I did it in this order:  Meat, tomatoes, tomato paste, broth, rice.  I actually didn't, but my foibles are your benefit.  Putting the broth in first invites every subsequent ingredient to splash salty broth all over you. So, pro tip, put the broth in last.  Just log that away for your own personal use.  Listen to "Manchester" by Kishi Bashi.  Here's where you should be:

Damn shadows.

Putting all of this in is going to take a lot of the heat out of your pot, so I turned my burner up for a minute or two.  However, after that, I turned it way down.  The reason is that I put a cover on the top of my pot and that kept the heat in really well.  You're going to let this cook for about an hour.  This is another scenario where depending on your stove, you'll have to stir as often as every 5 to 7 minutes or every 10 to 15.  I was doing every 7, but you'll just have to check.

Finish off your evening with "The Bleeding Heart Show" by the New Pornographers.  

4.  The Aftermath

And wallah!  You should have your finished product.

I feel as if this picture is misleading.  It really is delicious.

And this recipe will make enough that you'll be able to eat lunch for days!

I hope you enjoy this recipe as much as I do.  Mine turned out pretty spicy (not a problem for me).  I attribute that to the serrano pepper.  To tone this down, leave out the seeds (as much of the heat comes from there).  

On the music, "summer jamz" is just a funny phrase that I picked up this summer.  I listened to a podcast where the hosts were trying to determine what can qualify for a summer jam.  Many of my songs didn't undergo such scrutiny.  In the alternative, all of these songs made it on today's post because they earned some kind of emotional place with me this summer.  Maybe they will for you too, so I encourage you to give them a listen.

Wrap Up:

Ingredients:

Onion:  2 Red

Garlic:  4-6 Cloves

Tomatoes:  2

Green Bell Pepper: 1

Serrano Pepper: 1

Green Onion: 4 (just buy a bundle)

Creole Seasoning/ Cajun Seasoning: 1 Tablespoon (Tbsp)

Oregano: 1/2 Teaspoon (Tsp)

Cayenne/ Red Pepper: 1/2 Tsp

Tomato Paste: 2 Tbsp

Canned, Diced Tomatoes: 1 - 12oz to 16oz can

Chicken/Vegetable Broth: About 30 oz (give or take a few oz)

Butter:  1/2 Cup or 1 Stick

Rice:  3 Cups

Meat:  I did 1/2 pound shrimp and a pound of veggie sausage.  You can do shrimp, sausage, ham, or chicken.  It will all work!

Procedure:

1.  Cut Vegetables
2.  Prep work:  Open cans, measure spices, cook meat (if necessary)
3.  Cook: 1. vegetables and spices, 2. tomatoes, meat, rice
4.  Let it sit for an hour, but watch it closely
5.  EAT!

Enjoy!

Yuki's Corner: Don't "hello" me. Where are the damn treats?

You've been gone, and I'm mad.

It's 4:30 PM, and while you've been on an 8 hour sabbatical, somebody has been holding down the fort.  Was it your roommate.  No.  It was fucking Yuki.  It's always fucking Yuki.  So when you finally do decide to end your all-day spa retreat, don't walk in this house and give me a "hello."  Get out the treats, get me to the dogpark, and let me have some fun.  No bullshit.  No excuses.  Just do it.

Now, you may think my life is a damn pleasure cruise.  Sure, while you're gone I lay on the bed, the couch, in the chair, and on the floor.  But you don't realize the stress of being the ONLY ONE in the house, protecting it from squirrels, bugs, and the sort.  One time, a rabbit was like, really close to the window.  And what did you do about it?  Not a single fucking thing.  I, on the other hand, watched patiently.  I watched and watched.  In fact, I watched for so long that the hours slipped away from me until you finally got home.  A constant detente-like state.  A perfect balance between good and evil.  And you sat by the sidelines and watched as the very fabric of our entire home nearly came unraveled.  Humans...

So, I don't think it's so much to ask that I get a little more than a, "Yuki! Hi! How are you?"  Just get the treats out and lay them on the floor.  That is what I need at this point.  Shit is stressful, and you think I want your attention?  Don't make me laugh.  Or make me do whatever it is dogs do when something is funny.

In sum:  1. Treats on the floor; 2. Me, dog park; 3. Eric, shut up.

Remember the 90s?

Those years were amazing.

I'm also a very sad frog...

This kind of post only comes after an entire bottle of wine and some Starcraft 2.  Not something many of you can relate to, but shut up.  Shut up forever.

In the 1991 years, I really wanted an NES (the one with Duck Hunt).  I had played it over at a cousin's house and was in love with Super Mario Bros. 3.  That's right. 3.  My parents brought home a SNES (the one with Chrono Trigger.  Yes.  Chrono Trigger.  I was pissed.  I threw a fit.  First world problems, right?  Anyway, welcome to the 90s.  A time of colored bars on the TV at 5 AM on Saturdays and bike rides on the sidewalk.  Now it's time for bed.

PS.  Totally bought the domain:  www.twowheelobserver.com

Congratulations.  I'm now the proud owner of like twenty-some letters.  Yay.

Two Wheel Cooking: Pizza Sauce Party

Pizza Sauce Party!

Hey Mikey! Pass me a ninja slice!

If you're not eating at least one pizza a week, you are prone to suffer from the following conditions:

Being a fucking grump.

Also, whenever I watch Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze, I crave pizza.

Ingredients:

-  Onion:  1/2 of it will be fine

-  Garlic:  2 cloves minimum, I used 6

-  Tomatoes:  2 small ones

-  Serrano Pepper: 1 (but optional)

-  Tomato Paste:  6 oz. can

-  Dried Basil:  1/2 Tbsp

-  Dried Oregano: 1/2 Tbsp

-  Dried Rosemary: 1/2 Tsp

-  Olive Oil: Enough to cover a pan

-  Water:  Faucet...

-  Pizza Crust

-  Toppings:  Cheese for sure, anything else you want

The tomatoes are Raphael.  The remaining colors don't really go with any of the turtles.

Procedure:

1.  Chop Some Shit

As I've already stated, cutting stuff is generally the most laborious part of cooking.  There's really no trick to this step.  I tried to cut my veggies as small as possible since they'll be part of a sauce.  However, if you're cool with big chunks of onion in your sauce, by all means cut larger pieces.  In the end, I recommend putting your onion, garlic, and optional pepper in one bowl and the tomatoes in another bowl, but I highly doubt it would be the end of the world if you put it all together.  One last thing, make sure you put on some music during this.  It makes for a pleasant experience, which is important when one is holding a knife.  Pictures!

Onion!

Garlic!

Do you see any tomatoes?  No.

Here they are.  In their own bowl.

2.  Cook Some Shit

This part is generally fun, but a little uncomfortable in the summer.  Yet, I have a solution:

And this is how we cook.

Pour some oil in the pan, let it heat up, and then dump your garlic, onion, and optional pepper in the pan.  You can't really screw this up unless you start burning stuff.  Let that cook for about five minutes and you're good to go (generally looking for the onions to become translucent).  If you're a pro like me, you can go mess with your Rdio playlist.  After that, pour in the tomatoes and again, let that heat up for about 5 minutes.  Then mix in your spices (basil, oregano, rosemary).  Here's what it should look like:

It doesn't look like pizza sauce... yet...

Finally, wrap up the sauce by pouring your can of tomato paste into the mixture.  You'll notice that tomato paste is pretty thick, so that's why you'll be adding water to the pan.  There is no right or wrong amount of water.  Rather, just add it until the sauce is either as thick or as runny as you want it.  Personally, I like my sauce thick so I didn't add much.  Just enough to let me stir the tomato paste into the vegetables.  Again, here's visual representation:

Much better.

3.  The Epilogue

We have reached the delicious end of our journey.  I like this part the best because it's a chance for you to: A.)  run wild with ideas (tempeh sausage and tomatoes anyone?) and B.) use the leftovers in your fridge (tempeh sausage and tomatoes anyone?).  If you really need help with this, I advise putting the sauce on first and then dumping toppings on from there.  Here's the sexy adventure my pizza took:

Sauce on crust.  Check.

If this was me and a girlfriend, I would be the grater and she would be the cheese.  Tall.  Short.

And then I guess something terrible happens.  Analogy ruined.

I'm not an ogre.  Of course I gave her some cheese.

Cowabunga dudes!

The Aftermath:

Deep down, we all know you can't go wrong with pizza.  It was delicious.  I would especially recommend this recipe if you're a fan of a thick, filling sauce.  The addition of extra tomato and onion (beyond just tomato paste) makes the sauce as substantive as the rest of the pizza.  Best of all, this recipe is about as run of the mill as you can get as far as pizza sauce goes.  If you want a more garlicky sauce, add some more garlic.  If you want a spicier sauce, add my suggested serrano pepper and more peppers after that.  Just use your judgment and chances are you'll end up with something delicious.

Wrap Up:

Copy and paste me!

Ingredients:

-  Onion:  1/2 of it will be fine

-  Garlic:  2 cloves minimum, I used 6

-  Tomatoes:  2 small ones

-  Serrano Pepper: 1 (but optional)

-  Tomato Paste:  6 oz. can

-  Dried Basil:  1/2 Tbsp

-  Dried Oregano: 1/2 Tbsp

-  Dried Rosemary: 1/2 Tsp

-  Olive Oil: Enough to cover a pan

-  Water:  Faucet...

-  Pizza Crust

-  Toppings:  Cheese for sure, anything else you want

Procedure:

1.  Cut your vegetables.  Garlic, onion, and pepper together.  Tomatoes on their own.

2.  Cook your vegetables in this order: (garlic, onion, pepper), (tomatoes, spices), (tomato paste and water)

3.  Sauce and toppings on pizza crust.  Bake.  Eat.  Yum.